Little Girl Big Whip

Is it better for a leader to be liked or trusted? Whether you are dealing with horses or humans, the answer is the latter. My daughter Ivy demonstrated this last night while training a new Mustang we just adopted. This wild horse, fresh from the Nevada desert, had never been touched by humans.

At first, Ivy tried tempting him with grain and hay, but he bolted before she could get close. Then she switched to a technique called pressure and release. As the video shows, she slowly walks toward him. When he moves away, she applies consistent pressure by whipping the ground behind him, driving him to run. She then releases the pressure before slowly approaching again.

Incredibly, within hours, she was able to touch him. She was far better than I was – I think the horse could sense my impatience and frustration when he bolted, but Ivy’s calm, firm voice earned his trust.

In her influential book Radical Candor, Kim Scott described what I saw: “Radical candor builds trust and opens the kind of communication that helps you achieve the results you’re aiming for.” A common mistake I see in young executives is an eagerness to be liked. Ivy realized that her effort to get the horse to like her by offering grain was backfiring.  She needed to earn his respect and trust by consistently following up with clear, respectful feedback.